i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
