Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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