He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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