She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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