It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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