I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
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