I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The uberlube is also flammable
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
