Will you blow on my dice?
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
