Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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