He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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