I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
