If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
