she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
