I have demons in me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
