Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
We named our party play list daddy issues
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
whose parrot is this?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
