Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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