Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I need help removing her.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize