Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize