i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
