I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
pop tarts are not kleenex
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
