why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
