nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize