so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
