I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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