yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
