I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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