I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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