An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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