Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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