Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
