I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
