Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
