She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
