Sponge bath it is.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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