shes about as inviting as chlamydia
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize