My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
