Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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