Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
