I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
