why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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