we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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