nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
