he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
