i jhust puked up my retainher.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i will never coherently bang her
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
