weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
