About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
