Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
