Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
