i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
