I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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