so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
