my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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