Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize