he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i think i scared a bird with my dick
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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