as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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