in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize