Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
