i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
