my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
