foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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