she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
