it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
