I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
