if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
