I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
