he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
