tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
