He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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