I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
