I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
