Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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