I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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