i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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