Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
