i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
