We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
