dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
