Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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