Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
only you would photoshop your dick
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
