I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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