Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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