Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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