saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
