Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
