I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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