im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize