I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
