i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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