Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
