hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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