trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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