this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
