I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
