careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
