He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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