OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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