Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
