Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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