he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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