This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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