Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
