I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone shattered a urinal.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
