Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
