Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My vagina is very pro this idea
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
