Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
