do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
