I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
